Wednesday 11 October 2017

ALIVE BUT NOT LIVING

Bonjour, 

This blog is a revisit on the theme and my poem  ALIVE BUT NOT LIVING of which wrote about in January 2014. 

It reminds me of a quote from Spock in Star Trek " It's life Jim but not as we know it". 

Yes I have a life of sorts but it's not as it used to be before becoming ill. 

I'm alive but I don't feeling like I'm living. 
 




I don't know about you but I'm constantly reminded that other people have a full and busy life. They have a 'normal life'. 

Whereas I feel like I'm alive but not really living. 

A normal life means 

  • going out to work 
  • having a career
  • enjoying a meal out at a restaurant
  • able to socialise with family and friends in a bar or elsewhere
  • taking a holiday 
  • able to drive
  • able to use public transport
  • going out for the day to visit a place of interest
  • able to pursue sports and physical activities eg swimming, tennis  
  • going for a walk in the countryside 
  • enjoying interests like yoga, choir singing   
  • going shopping 
  • being able to go to concerts, films or the theatre


When I speak to family and friends they tell me about all that is happening in their lives. In comparison my life seems uneventful and boring. 

My life is one where I am forced to rest and pace in order to avoid post exertional malaise or a relapse.

My life means

  • unable to do any work
  • abandoned career
  • no longer able to go out and enjoy a meal in a restaurant
  • unable to entertain at home
  • difficult to socialise with family and friends
  • most days alone at home
  • a holiday will only lead to a relapse  
  • unable to pursue any sports or physical activities 
  • unable to drive or use public transport
  • any walk outside of my home leads to post exertional malaise
  • unable to pursue any hobbies and interests outside of my home
  • shopping online 
  • only contact is on social media which is a lifeline 
  • suffering from a never ending malaise, lack of energy, pain and many other symptoms
  • sleeping long hours both day and night 
  • my bed and settee are my favourite places I visit!   



I'm sure that you can add to this list. Of course it depends on your level of disability

Anyway writing a blog like this takes enormous effort so I need to go and have a  lie down and have a sleep! 

Bonne nuit et Au revoir 
The French Femme xxx😪😫